Although it is natural for humans to crave sexual experiences from many different people, it can be a tough conversation to have with a long-term partner. After all, society has wrongfully linked love to physical intimacy. This has made it difficult for both men and women to explore their innate desire to explore their sexuality with a variety of individuals.
Don’t be discouraged, though! If your partner holds the internal belief that love is linked to sex, it is possible to have an effective conversation with them about your desire to sleep with other people. Although they may be hurt at first, it is important for you to advocate for yourself while also being thorough in your explanation and reassurance.
Before you speak to your partner about wanting to sleep with other people, it’s important for you to have a game plan in mind. This way, you can proceed with confidence, knowing that you are doing the right thing by your partner while also standing up for your own desires.
Check out our roadmap to successfully speaking to your partner about sleeping with other people:
They’re going to ask you this question, so you might as well have a good answer prepared. Why do you want to sleep with other people? No, your answer shouldn’t be “because you’re boring in bed” or some other accusatory statement that will make your partner feel defensive.
If your reasoning for wanting to sleep with other people is that you are no longer attracted to your long-term partner, that’s a whole other issue. However, if you still love and enjoy your partner but just want to explore with others, your “why” should be simple. It’s natural.
According to Science Focus, “Our early ape ancestors weren’t monogamous, and the practice probably didn’t take off until Homo erectus emerged, around 1.9 million years ago.” That same article goes on to explain that monogamy was a social construct to keep children. As such, monogamy is not naturally built into human DNA.
So, if your partner asks you why you want to sleep with other people, you can reassure them that you are simply following your natural instincts. During this part of the discussion, it is likely that they will discover that they also have the desire to sleep with other people. For more information about fantasies that men and women share, check out our article 4 Surprising Sexual Fantasies That Men and Women Truly Desire.
Timing is everything to ensure this conversation goes smoothly and without a hitch. Be selective about the moment you choose to bring this topic up to your partner. Pick a time when they are in a good mood and seem receptive to having an open discussion.
You can even prepare them for the conversation by letting them know you have something important to talk about, but you want them to be ready to listen with an open heart. Giving your partner time to mentally prepare will also show them that you are serious and are also being very nurturing towards their feelings.
When approached from a genuine place of love, a conversation about sleeping with other people can be quite successful. If your partner is not receptive to your desires despite your best efforts, you may want to reflect on if that relationship is enough to fulfill all of your sexual needs.
While expressing your desire to sleep with other people, maintain a calm and serene demeanor. If your partner responds to your request with defensiveness at first, it won’t help the matter if you come back at them with anger. In fact, that’ll only reaffirm their internal struggle that you may be leaving them for someone else.
Instead, focus on reassuring your partner. Discuss the healthy boundaries you plan to set around the act of sleeping with other people. Let them know that, although you want to explore your sexuality with other people, you still deeply love them and are still physically attracted to them.
Many couples who are easing into sleeping with other people choose to participate in threesomes first. Then, after they become comfortable seeing their partner with someone else, they ease into separate sexual escapades.
Build your partner’s confidence in you and your relationship by easing them into the concept of sleeping with other people. This way, you can establish a foundation of trust around the subject rather than starting off with feelings of insecurity and resentment.
One of the best ways to build your partner’s trust in you sleeping with others is to practice safe sex. After all, it’s reasonable for them not to want you to sleep with people who may carry diseases just to then turn around and infect them.
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