Although it is natural for humans to crave sexual
experiences from many different people, it can be a tough conversation to have
with a long-term partner. After all, society has wrongfully linked love to
physical intimacy. This has made it difficult for both men and women to explore
their innate desire to explore their sexuality with a variety of individuals.
Don’t be discouraged, though! If your partner holds the
internal belief that love is linked to sex, it is possible to have an effective
conversation with them about your desire to sleep with other people. Although
they may be hurt at first, it is important for you to advocate for yourself
while also being thorough in your explanation and reassurance.
Before you speak to your partner about wanting to sleep with
other people, it’s important for you to have a game plan in mind. This way, you
can proceed with confidence, knowing that you are doing the right thing by your
partner while also standing up for your own desires.
Check out our roadmap to successfully speaking to your
partner about sleeping with other people:
Know Your “Why”
They’re going to ask you this question, so you might as well
have a good answer prepared. Why do you want to sleep with other people? No,
your answer shouldn’t be “because you’re boring in bed” or some other
accusatory statement that will make your partner feel defensive.
If your reasoning for wanting to sleep with other people is
that you are no longer attracted to your long-term partner, that’s a whole
other issue. However, if you still love and enjoy your partner but just want to
explore with others, your “why” should be simple. It’s natural.
According to Science Focus, “Our early ape ancestors weren’t
monogamous, and the practice probably didn’t take off until Homo erectus
emerged, around 1.9 million years ago.” That same article goes on to explain
that monogamy was a social construct to keep children. As such, monogamy is not
naturally built into human DNA.
So, if your partner asks you why you want to sleep with
other people, you can reassure them that you are simply following your natural
instincts. During this part of the discussion, it is likely that they will
discover that they also have the desire to sleep with other people. For more
information about fantasies that men and women share, check out our
article 4 Surprising Sexual Fantasies That Men and Women Truly Desire.
Choose the Best Time
Timing is everything to ensure this conversation goes
smoothly and without a hitch. Be selective about the moment you choose to bring
this topic up to your partner. Pick a time when they are in a good mood and
seem receptive to having an open discussion.
You can even prepare them for the conversation by letting
them know you have something important to talk about, but you want them to be
ready to listen with an open heart. Giving your partner time to mentally
prepare will also show them that you are serious and are also being very
nurturing towards their feelings.
When approached from a genuine place of love, a conversation
about sleeping with other people can be quite successful. If your partner is
not receptive to your desires despite your best efforts, you may want to
reflect on if that relationship is enough to fulfill all of your sexual needs.
Establish Healthy Boundaries
While expressing your desire to sleep with other people,
maintain a calm and serene demeanor. If your partner responds to your request
with defensiveness at first, it won’t help the matter if you come back at them
with anger. In fact, that’ll only reaffirm their internal struggle that you may
be leaving them for someone else.
Instead, focus on reassuring your partner. Discuss the
healthy boundaries you plan to set around the act of sleeping with other
people. Let them know that, although you want to explore your sexuality with
other people, you still deeply love them and are still physically attracted to
them.
Many couples who are easing into sleeping with other people
choose to participate in threesomes first. Then, after they become comfortable
seeing their partner with someone else, they ease into separate sexual
escapades.
Build your partner’s confidence in you and your relationship
by easing them into the concept of sleeping with other people. This way, you
can establish a foundation of trust around the subject rather than starting off
with feelings of insecurity and resentment.
Practice Safe Sex
One of the best ways to build your partner’s trust in you
sleeping with others is to practice safe sex. After all, it’s reasonable for
them not to want you to sleep with people who may carry diseases just to then
turn around and infect them.
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